Why My Standards are as High as My Glasses Prescription

I didn’t always start out having high standards, in fact, I used to live my life in the ‘good enough’ lane — I took what was there, even if it was at the expense of my own comfort because I hadn’t yet learned how to put myself first.

Looking back, I can see it for what it was: a quiet battle with low self-esteem. I was terrified of taking up too much space or, worse, being a burden who dragged down other people’s time just to cater to my own needs. I didn’t want to be the one with the specific order or the particular request, so I just… endured.

Even now, that old habit occasionally resurfaces. I’ll find myself apologising for my preferences, over-explaining my choices as if to prove I’m not being “snobbish”, downplaying my own feelings, and seeing myself as having needs that are too much. I worried that my need for a specific environment might look like pretension to someone else.

But then I catch myself. Because deep down, I know these aren’t just whims — they are tried and tested necessities. I’ve done the trial runs of settling for less, and I’ve felt the toll it takes on my peace of mind for much longer. This version of me, the one who knows exactly what she needs to function, isn’t being difficult. She’s finally being honest about what works for her.

Having individualised needs shouldn’t be shameful, is what I want to say. If others can have what they need, why can’t mine exist at the same time and space? It doesn’t always have to be one or the other. Of course, I didn’t learn this overnight. It took a gradual, deliberate practice of self-compassion to finally take pride in my own interests and make myself a priority. If I’m being honest, it also took a lot of therapy to coax out the “me” who had been hiding for so long — learning, for the first time, to actually listen to what she needs and, just as importantly, what she simply wants.

What I need to function, to feel comfortable, and to be kind to myself. It’s an expensive life, yes — not just in money, but in the attention I pay to the details. But when the world finally comes into focus, I realise I’m worth every bit of the effort.

If you’ve ever felt the same guilt about your own ‘particulars,’ I highly recommend reading Angela’s piece, ‘Apparently I’m Not Low-Maintenance After All.‘ It’s a beautiful reminder that our standards aren’t obstacles — they are boundaries too. I’m currently using her list as a bit of a guide; I’ve ticked off the easy ones, and I’m slowly learning to give myself permission for the rest.