For most of my life, I’ve always been a bit of an overachiever. Nobody forced me to become one, I just like being good at what I do. Give me a master’s thesis, a complex group project at work, or a 1,000-page romantasy novel, and I’ll conquer it without breaking a sweat. I love the “A”, the gold star, the “You’re pretty great at this” compliments. It’s the kind of high I don’t mind working hard for.
But then, I hit a blockade: the Malaysian driving test.
For some reason, I didn’t just fail my driving test once. I didn’t even fail it twice, but FOUR times. By the third time, my driving instructor was seriously stuck (he was already elderly, but my driving probably almost forced him into considering retirement). I eventually “passed” on the fourth try—mostly, I suspect, because somebody at the driving class centre was tired of seeing the same face coming back after failing the test. My dad on the other hand must have had his prayers answered because he didn’t have to pay for my classes again (it’s ridiculously expensive). Whatever it must have been, the little plastic card that is my driving license feels less like a victory and more of a warning label.
Until today, I’ve never driven past my housing neighbourhood. Always accompanied by an adult in the front passenger seat (yes, I am aware I am also a 30-year-old adult). And me, cold sweat, hands shaky, nerves of melted ice-cream sitting behind the wheel. It’s just too much stress, too many things to focus on than just stepping on the wheel and staring straight!
At some point, I decided it was just too stressful and that I rather much spend a bit of money to sit at the back of a Grab (e-hailing), letting the professional handle the steering wheel or take public transport.
This post isn’t going to be about the hustle or “try until you succeed”. It’s about the absolute, soul-cleansing peace that comes with being okay with not being good at everything. It’s a love letter to the things we’re just not good at, and why—for the sake of everyone on the Federal Highway—it’s perfectly okay to stay in your lane and focus on something else.
What does success look to you?
That is exactly where the overachiever’s trap lies: we treat our own resilience like an unlimited resource rather than a battery that needs charging.
When you’re used to “speeding ahead,” those signals of distress aren’t seen as warnings—they’re seen as inconveniences to be optimised or ignored. We’ve been conditioned to think that if we aren’t under pressure, we aren’t performing. But there’s a massive difference between perseverance and punishment.
In my case, failing that driving test four times wasn’t a lack of effort; it was my brain and body waving a white flag saying, “This isn’t our lane, literally and figuratively.” And if I’m being completely frank, I never actually wanted to drive. I was perfectly content with public transport (when it’s working fine anyway). But as an overachiever, I felt like I had to “conquer” the road just because everyone else does.
Turns out, forcing myself to be great at something I had zero interest in was plain torture. Eventually, your brain just stops cooperating. It’s only unfortunate that I gained this life-changing self-awareness after four rounds of parallel-parking-induced trauma.
Setting a few achievable goals is so much better for your sanity than sprinting toward a finish line that doesn’t even exist. Think of it as moving toward your vision of success without the burnout.
Be gentle with yourself
It’s hard to be gentle with yourself when Perfectionism is in the room. As an overachiever, we’re familiar with what it is. It rears its ugly head the second you miss a goal or “fail” a task, no matter how small. Suddenly, there’s this sharp stab—a little, self-critical voice whispering that you could have done better. But let’s be real: that voice isn’t a coach; it’s a bully.
Living with that constant critique doesn’t actually help anyone. Instead of “doing better,” we just end up drowning in guilt and shame. Then, the next time you try again, it doesn’t come from a place of passion—it feels like a forced obligation. You’re doing it because you have to, not because you want to.
The only way to get around this cycle is making space for being imperfect. And if you want to achieve that 10/10 perfection, don’t stress yourself to have it done today. Tomorrow is still another day coming.
I think I’ve toned down on my perfectionism while I still believe that there’s nothing wrong with being an overachiever. At the end of the day, it still makes you feel great. Being that way got you to where you are now, we don’t forget that. But this time, instead of letting them control you, manage them instead and have a sustainable life you can actually enjoy.
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