Insecurity is a lot more common than we think. Between you and I, everybody in this world has some levels or aspects of insecurities they’re clinging to. Perhaps for some of us, we’re more anxious to break free from the many unanswered “what-ifs” questions we beat ourselves with. At some point of our lives I’m sure we’ve come to the realisation that our insecurities, whatever form they may be, are taking a toll on our lives and relationships, and it’s actually exhausting to face it by yourself. In some instances, you might be so overwhelmed with these thoughts that you’d hurt the ones who you actually love as well.
Before we truly begin with the topic on insecurities in the context of human relationships, I’d like to just point out that I’m clearly not an expert in this sort of discussion. My own experience in battling my inner turmoils and talking it out with a few kind souls that I trust are enough to convince me that it’s okay to talk about it in public. Let’s face it, we’ve all come across the same problem a couple of times in our lives.
If you’re not confident about yourself, then how do you expect to believe in someone who thinks the world of you?
I came across similar sayings like this in movies and even in conversation exchanges between friends. It strikes to me because it truly shows how insecurities can block a lot of good things into your life, including believing in yourself and others. I don’t think a mere post can change my life for the better, but it could be a step to realising that I have a problem and that I can fix it… step by step.
What is insecurity?
When we’re in a relationship with somebody without our self-worth, we give ourselves little choice but to depend on that very relationship to complete the missing pieces. When this isn’t reciprocated, we break apart and that’s how our relationship feel the side-effects of our insecurities.
Here are just some examples of instances that showcase insecurities by PsychCentral. Do you spot any that relate to you? To be honest, I feel slightly attacked with some (insert inner laugh-cry here):
- Pushing yourself to be extra nicer or giving to get someone’s attention or support.
- More focused on pleasing others than fulfilling your own feelings and needs.
- Have a major fear of unwanted scenarios like rejection or abandonment.
- Can be easily overwhelmed with emotions and need the help of others to calm you down.
- Have trouble to express/open yourself up to others so you focus on their interests instead (can be overwhelming for that other person).
- Purposefully choose partners who you perceive as “distant” so that you need to work in getting their attention and ensure the relationship is intact. The downside? It pushes your belief that you’re not good enough (you’re working to make things work).
Sue me, I have insecurites. What do I do?
- If you critic yourself too hard, then change tactics. Channel that same energy to convince yourself otherwise. Remind yourself with reasons why you’re an interesting person. There are people in your life who love to have you around. Tell yourself how your existence made a difference in someone else’s life.
- Set realistic goals about changing yourself and drop your inner-perfectionist. You can’t be a different person overnight. If you want to be better, you have to celebrate every little detail of you as you change. Even if you flopped a little, you’re trying and that’s always better than nothing at all.
- Keep your relationships with family and friends alive. You gain more strength in a relationship when you know you have a backup plan if things don’t work out. Have steady, quality relationships with other people you trust that you can fall back to if things go wrong. There’s more than one source of happiness in our lives.
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